KNOCK

And I stuffed ordinary
Into a seafoam green chiffon number
and
I dragged her to the prom where
She stood in a corner, eyes averted
And she waited for me to ask her to
dance
And I didn't
Not once the whole night

My affair with ordinary began when I
   was a child
I would pull her pigtails
Step on the cracks to break her
   mother's back
Give her silhouette horns with my two
   fingers
Anything to avoid looking like
   ordinary

Ordinary and I NEVER got along
I wanted ordinary to be a thousand
heartbroken lovers and boxes of love
letters I would show to disbelieving
grandchildren. I wanted ordinary to be
sunsets and log car rides and songbirds
clamoring around in my throat exploding
with music like a deck of cards from
the palm of a musician.

I wanted ordinary to shine, to
glisten with grace and correct
posture and perfect hair.

But ordinary didn't. She spilled
my dinner in my lap on dates and
choked on her words in important
social settings. She always had a
run in her stockings and stitching
coming out of her hem, an alcoholic
in the family, an embarrassing
secret, and never enough money in
the bank.

I trashed her publicly but craved
   her secretly.
I wanted to stroke her averageness.
I wanted the air around us to ever
   ambient and lukewarm
I wanted sun in summer and snow in
   winter
I wanted homecooking
And ordinary would say "yes, yes"
I wanted three very close friends
And one solid hobby, a car that ran
   and
A seashell for every time I'd been
to the ocean
And ordinary would say, "of course,
   of course".

I never thought to take ordinary
   and buy her a nice dress
Maybe dinner and a movie
Never told her I thought she was
   pretty
Never told I liked her hair cut
I would work late so as to not to
   rush home to ordinary
I drank to forget ordinary
And I wanted more

I wanted more
I wanted fame and glory
I wanted every line to rhyme
I wanted to never sweat in public
I wanted crisp clean pleats, hospital
corners
Sinks that never dripped, milk that
never went sour
I wanted more than ordinary

I sowed the seeds of promise in her
and then pulled the flowers up and
tore them apart,
petal by petal in front of her
I left ordinary wanting

Until one day ordinary said FUCK YOU
Who do you think you are,pretty
   girl?
Maybe she watched one too many
   Oprah's or read one too many self
   help books
Maybe I just didn't want it to be her idea
When will you see I am nothing
   more than yourself turned in on
   yourself?
You have me to thank for all things
   uncomplicated and desirable
I am the waiting room for the office
   of your dreams
I am the holding bin for your
   insecurity
I am the hook you hang your mask up
   on after a long day
I am what you are when you're done
   being frightened of yourself.

So Ordinary and I go dancing that
   night
And I notice for the first time in
   all the years I have known her
   that
Ordinary has blue eyes
Like mine.