Billy Bale believes Sara Stewart is seeing another man
and that’s not what really bothers him ‘cept for the
fact that Frankie Fontana keeps bringing it up to
Jason Johnson.
Sara Stewart loves Billy Bale but can’t get past the
fact that he spends so much time with his sailing
partner Kathryn Katona and besides she’s heard from
Frankie Fontana that Jason Johnson’s been covering for him.
Kathryn Katona loves Billy Bale as well but can’t get
a straight answer so she’s been sleeping with Jason Johnson
who’s not at all good in bed.
Jason Johnson loves Captain Crunch and blond haired
boys which he keeps a secret from Frankie Fontana
who is, in fact, blond haired.
Frankie Fontana doesn’t love anyone but wants to
fuck Sara Stewart which is exactly why he told her the
story about Billy Bale and Kathryn Katona.
He is not sure if this is true.
Andrew Anderson is the bartender who serves them
drinks on varying days of the week. He’s writing a
book about how the world is boring.
Kate Kennon is Kathryn Katona’s hairdresser. She’s
heard of Kathryn Katona’s heartbreak and
understandably understands.
She too loves Billy Bale.
Billy Bale loves Kate Kennon because she is Italian,
physically fit, and moans passionately.
Beyond that, he sees no future.
Bowie Bale is Billy Bale’s dog although Billy Bale
has never referred to him in this way because allowing
your dog to inherit your last name is stupid.
Roy Rogers is hired help on Billy Bale’s ship. He
wishes he was rich. And yes, he’s heard that joke
before.
Billy Bale calls his ship the Mary Martin after the
only woman he’s truly loved. The boat’s name makes
Kathryn Katona angry and Sara Stewart sad. Mary
Martin died in an auto accident with a Krispy Kreme
delivery truck.
Mary Martin’s father Max Martin has predictably ceased
eating at Krispy Kreme but occasionally, and with much
regret, stops at Dunkin Donuts on his way to work at
the processing plant.
David Dinkins is the former mayor of New York but
this matters little to Billy Bale, Bowie Bale, Sara
Stewart, Kate Kennon, Kathryn Katona, Frankie
Fontana, Jason Johnson, Andrew Anderson, Roy Rodgers, or Max
Martin. They live in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania.
Mary Martin lived for a time in New York and voted for
David Dinkins but never mentioned it to Billy Bale.
It just hadn’t come up.
So, moving forward...
Billy Bale proposes to Sara Stewart, not out of love,
but simply to keep her out of the clutches of
another man. He will later learn pride is predictably
problematic.
Bowie Bale is placed in an animal shelter due to Sara
Stewart’s aversion to dogs. He is rescued from a
death sentence and given the new name Bowie Barker.
He is promptly spayed and neutered.
Kathryn Katona, stricken with an unimaginable grief,
is driven into the arms of her hairdresser Kate
Kennon. When news of this development reaches Billy
Bale he throws himself in front of a Krispy Kreme
truck but is not killed. Billy Bale stops believing
in a greater good.
Billy Bale becomes an existentialist and starts
composing publishable poetry that is greatly admired
by women who find that sort of thing admirable.
Sara Stewart trapped in a loveless lie of a marriage
and tired of waiting for a Krispy Kreme truck throws
herself in front of a transit train which has no
ability to suddenly stop. She is killed instantly.
Billy Bale realizing that he truly loved Sara Stewart
changes his boat’s name to honor her memory. He
writes a book and titles it Sara Sails South. It is
ultimately underwhelming.
Jason Johnson confesses his love to Frankie Fontana.
It goes nowhere.
Max Martin is awarded a multi-million dollar
settlement from the Krispy Kreme Company and gives it
all to Roy Rodgers who works weekends as a gardener at
his house.
Roy Rodgers’ faith in god is restored. He immediately
changes his name to Kenny. He does this before buying a television.
Kenny Rodgers’ faith in god is shaken. He becomes a
great admirer of Billy Bale’s early work.
Andrew Anderson’s book stalls when he finds out the
world isn’t really boring. He moves away from
Pittsburgh.
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to Issue 6 |
